I am really scared of children. My worst fear is waking up with an offspring . I am a child. I am not going to breed . Do not ask me to babysit your offspring. Babies are cute for five minutes after that please take your creation.
I do not hate children though, I am just scared of them . I do not know how to behave around them I feel like they also do not know how to behave around me .
When someone says I want to put a baby in you . I see it as a threat . Before you threaten me with making me a breeder and producer of offspring you have to understand that before breeding we will have to debate vigorously about what our offspring's purpose in life will be.
Hear me out . Full meeting setup ,lots of paper to draft our ideas and take notes and keep track of our progress. We will have to decide on the execution and funding of Project Mbappé.
For the benefit of those who may not know what Project Mbappe is .Here is a definition below.
The sole objective for a parent (mainly a father to a son) to live vicariously through their child into making them a footballer at the highest professional level. This may involve rigorous training exercises from toddler-hood all the way to adolescence, and taking pride in their first nutmeg during their school tournament.
Do not even come at me with the forcing my dream on my child . I am grooming a talented child and dedicating their formative years and their young life to instilling discipline and perfecting a skill that will result in them being financially secure. Not to mention my pride and joy when they can fund their own trust fund.
When I put my mind on something . Best believe I will give it to my all. From the time my offspring is in the womb . We are monitoring its kicks to see if there is a future in football.If the kick is promising we are dedicating resources to relocating to a country where my offspring can flourish. No cap. I am definitely raising a winner .
The contingency plan for Project Mbappe is Project Lebron. Project Lebron will be decided upon at adolescence and it depends on my offspring's height . If baby boy is less than 6 feet abort mission.
Stars are made they are not simply born . Beyonce was raised to be a star so was Michael Jackson , so was Serena Williams . If you would like to breed with me and you do not have a power-point presentation on how you intend to dedicate your time and resources towards our offspring. Go away. The business of bringing a child into the world requires focus . We cannot afford to take each day as it comes and leave the future of our minion to grace and fate.No .
Project You-tuber. Project influencer. Project Scammer . Project Politician.Best believe that there will be folders outlining the execution plan for all those career paths sitting in a safe to protect our ideas #copyright things. With so many well thought out back up plans surely we will not fail.
I am telling you that if push comes to shove and my offspring turns out to be a delinquent they will be the best delinquent the world ever saw. The best damn thief that ever lived. The best drug dealer to ever walk this damn earth.
It is true that one thing people cling on to is the idea of being remembered .It is scary to think that one day 200 years from now your descendants will not remember your name . I heard somewhere that people are only remembered for three generations . Imagine.
The idea of building legacies is built on purposefulness. The idea of building something that will sustain your family for generations is the biggest motivator. The concept of procreation is deeply rooted in maintaining relevance .
People feed off attention to be honest . Hate me all you want .Do not forget me.
If I do not make it into the history books best believe the fruit of my womb will.
Just like the Victorian royal families who would do selective breeding based on looks we will also plan and coordinate our genes with the the greatest precision.
Here are some of the funniest tweets I saw on Project Mbappe.
