What is 'pickmeism' it is the behavior where one thinks that in order to bring out their more redeeming qualities they have to slander other people who are in their race group, gender group etc. Symptoms of 'pickmeism 'may sound like “I am not like other girls” and prefecting the criteria for desirability and moral acceptability based on what they feel would impress another group.
Exhibit 1 of 'pickmeism'
While the intended goal of this tweet was to appear morally put together 'its screaming please look at me and tell me i'm sexy". What makes this particular line problematic is that it assumes that for one to embrace their desirability they need external approval in this instance for something to be approved as sexy it needs the patriarchy stamp.
It reinforces that for the identity of a woman to be valid , it has to be attached to a man through the girlfriend tag and the wife tag. This takes away the power that women have to construct their own identities and to be their own person. It keeps women in the trap of having to be performative in order to be accepted as if their whole life is centered around auditioning for male attention.
From early childhood through overt and subtle ways women are constantly policed. Dirty men who own two pairs of socks, two jeans and brush their teeth twice a week will inform the world that they will go to bed with the woman that they met at the bar but God forbid that they will marry her because they don't like bar frequenters.
As if that is not enough women will be told by other women that they should not wear 'leggings' because those reveal the shape of their bodies and that is unattractive to Sbu from next door because some things should just be left to the imagination because no man wants a woman who is accessible to everyone.'
From a young age it is reinforced that the female body exists so men can help themselves to it . Living life on one's own terms is demonized and when a woman overtly rejects this constant auditioning for men she is cast to the outskirts of society. When the world sees that a woman is restricting access to her space and how she chooses to live her life society gets offended when she recognizes herself as a human being.
She fails to find a safety net with her fellow women who feel that she is being allowed to get away with too much. Where does this bitterness come from one may ask? I cannot pinpoint it but I can tell you that the over simplification of gender roles has something to do with it .
I will give an example of labia elongation . This is the stretching of the labia minora which is located around the vagina and the urethra .The goal is to stretch the labia till it hangs and the reason that is given to little girls who are fresh into puberty is that when you get married and you are not stretched your husband will leave you . Your husband will need something to hold so forth and so on . There is inadequate explanation around the benefits of this practice with regards to female pleasure.
At the age of twelve you are already being barracked with preparing for sex but when you ask more questions you are immediately hushed because just like the tool that they are grooming you to be ,they have programmed you for the role which you will later perform.Ask no questions , it is vulgar to ask questions about what is going to happen to you.
This contributes to a society of people who are misled misinformed and scared to ask questions. This gives the pick me's leeway to come in and to make young girls feel bad if they desire to have a say in what happens to their bodies.
It starts from the constitution of morality that says that for a woman to be marketable for males she has to be at church 24/7 her role is to perform acts of service . She must not be too opinionated lest she frightens suitors.
She must not appear to be intelligent to accommodate the egos of insecure men because men should not be opposed.Why? You should not be a mad woman.Through policing the emotions of women and undermining their right to feel enraged and branding her self expression as shameful we contribute to pickmeism.
Pickmeism is bred in those rooms where people collectively slut shame women .It is bred in rooms where women are taught to navigate suffering and told that their life is one where pain is the consequence of being born a woman .
When men tell you that they like you because you are not like other girls as a compliment refuse ,I repeat, refuse!
Ask yourself what is so wrong with other girls that i feel that for me to receive a compliment and to feel good about myself, I have to smile at the humiliation of other women. Why do I have to prove that I am more desirable than them and better than them? Why have I volunteered myself to the patriarchy and to misogynists at the expense of people who look like me? Why do I hate myself to the point that I feel obliged to go along with slander against my gender?
Another symptom of pickmeism is the common 'He likes her because she is easy and he will come back to me'. While the owner of that statement perceives that she is special because her partner is kind enough to return to her when he is done disrespecting her with other women. It undermines the real issue in the conversation about infidelity that it is not a morals Olympics between the cheatee and the woman who is being cheated on but the person who is a party to the relationship who was supposed to respect his relationship agreement.
The truth is as a human being you are already deserving of respect and any space which gives you a criteria in order for you to be respected belittles you and it is not worthy of your time and acknowledgement.
Exhibit 2 below is the solution to pickmeism .
As a proud representative of the 'Don't pick me club', we are begging you to not pick us thank you!